Friday, September 12, 2008

All the Small Things

Alternate Title: No, I didn't off myself..

Wow, that was a depressing previous post, wasn't it? I guess I'm finding myself in a bit of a funk, and not having my passed through my plateau hasn't entirely helped. Still though, I need to try to at least remain a bit positive.

And how exactly shall I go about doing that? I think the easiest way would be that since the larger picture is depressing me at the moment, I need to look at the small things. The details and events that happen every day of my life, that remind me that I'm on the right track. Things that make me smile or cause me to realize how far I come. So now, in no particular order, and to have something to remind myself about, here they are.

1) I can wear nice clothes
2) I can walk up cardiac hill without dying
3)People comment on my weight loss
4)Running a mile under 9 minutes
5)Feeling just a hint of muscle in my arms
6)Having more energy than ever
7)Having steadily gone to the gym for 6 months now
8)Being able to eat only half of what I used to and getting full
9)Feeling a bit more confident than I used to
10) Seeing the spare tire and gut slowly (And very at that) dissapearing Read more!

Sunday, September 7, 2008

Weekend Update

Alternate title: Not my most upbeat post

And here is the rest of it.

Yeah, I haven't updated as much as I promised I would. Reasons are two fold. For one, work and school are keeping me busy (though not to busy to work out thankfully) and secondly and more important, I really haven't had much to update about in the past few days. I'm continuing my workout routines, as well as the push up challenge. I actually been doing each week of said challenge twice, since one week wasn't working out very well for me. Apart from that, there hadn't been much to write about. Till this weekend at least...though sadly enough it's not the happiest of my posts.

Two things happened this week that got me thinking. They where both pretty small really, but I do have a tendency to over think things as it is. So what where they?

First, there was me getting shot down by a girl in a bus stop. Not a big deal for most I'm sure, but one of the biggest flaws I have been trying to work on is my lack of confidence and self steem. It's not easy when for 20+ years I thought of myself as a loser, and one that no girl would even glance at in a good way. So it did take some prodding from myself to try to talk to this particular girl, which I actually have in one of my classes. I started generically enough, asking her how she liked the class, and asking some other random questions. She wasn't rude or anything..but I got the feeling that I was the one keeping the conversation going (a feeling I HATE), and she couldn't care less. So I stopped trying, and felt like an idiot afterwards on the ride to my car.

Secondly was going swimming with the guys yesterday. I actually hadn't gone swimming in years, so it was a nice opportunity, specially with the weather. The problem is my psoriasis. Its something I gotten used to over the years, and luckily enough thanks to some medication, it's not very noticible usually when I'm wearing my regular clothing. Without a shirt though, there's a part on my side that's really noticible, and just looks weird. Then there's a couple of specks here and there along my back. I'm horribly embarassed about them, and actually dread the day when I have to show them to a significant other (Guess there's one good thing about being single..) so it meant wearing a shirt inside the pool.

Then I also noticed that although I'm not as a big and fat as I used to be, I'm still in bad shape compared with my friends. That just made me even more self consious and depressed. And that leads to that voice in the back of my head asking a question that I heard before "Is it worth it?". Is it worth going to the gym after school instead of relaxing a home? Denying myself those urges of pigging out? As much as I love the changes in my life my weight loss has given me, the things that still bother me remain, and seem to be staying for a looong time.

Luckily enough I know better than to listen to those questions. I'm not going to stop working out, as I never want to return to what I used to be. I just wish I didn't have to ask myself that question still.
Read more!

Monday, September 1, 2008

I'm not dead!

Alternate Title: Been a while...

Wow, time has really slipped by me. I hadn't realized that it had been some time since I had updated the blog.

With me having fallen sick, and school having started last week, I been kept pretty busy. Luckily enough things should calm down soon enough, and I'll start falling back into a routine, which will make things easier.

Luckily, even as crazy as the first week of school has been, I managed to keep at my workouts, hitting the gym after school, and continuing to push myself. I'm now running my mile at 8:50, which is pretty exhausting but it does feel pretty damn good. Weight lifting and the rest of my work outs continue to keep me going.

It's actually funny, the other day I got a chance to work out with my friend Steve, since he wanted me to check out the gym at his apartment complex. To make a long story short, Steve wasn't able to keep up with me during the excercises. He did less reps, and less weights in all of them. I don't mention this to bring him down, or make me think I'm better than him, but it was just surprising. In gym I was always the slow one, the last one of the pack and struggling hard. It's weird not being that person again, but in a good way.

So yeah, overall everything been going good. I'll update more tomorrow. Read more!